Step Three on the Eightfold Path

3. Right Speech
Right speech is the first principle of ethical conduct in the eightfold path. Ethical conduct is viewed as a guideline to moral discipline, which supports the other principles of the path. This aspect is not self-sufficient, however it IS essential, because mental purification can only be achieved through the cultivation of ethical conduct. The importance of speech in the context of Buddhist ethics is obvious: words can break or save lives, make enemies or friends, start war or create peace. Buddha explained right speech as follows: 1. to abstain from false speech, especially not to tell deliberate lies and not to speak deceitfully, 2. to abstain from slanderous speech and not to use words maliciously against others, 3. to abstain from harsh words that offend or hurt others, and 4. to abstain from idle chatter that lacks purpose or depth. Positively phrased, this means to tell the truth, to speak friendly, warm, and gently, don't gossip and -- basically: to talk only when necessary.
Everyone knows she shouldn't lie. Everyone knows she should speak in warm, gentle tones and be friendly. Not gossiping is harder than you think. Oh, I don't gossip, you think. I don't talk about people behind their backs. For most of my adult life I have honestly believed that I NEVER engaged in gossip, never spoke negatively about people behind their backs. Then I became a Buddhist. I learned about Right Speech. It was explained to me that to truly honor the intention of Right Speech I should never talk about people at all. Good, bad or indifferent, it was not my place to discuss other people. Not my business. Okay, try going one day in the company of other people not saying one word about someone who is not there. Don't mention your mother, your sister, your children. Don't talk about the bus driver or the guy who cut you off on the way to work. Don't mention the doctor you saw, the cute baby in the stroller who kind of winked at you. What? But that was so cute! What's the harm? I don't know. There could be a hundred reasons you shouldn't mention that baby. I'm a writer and I can think of ten off the top of my head in an instant.
Right Speech is my biggest challenge every day of my life. I want to say bad things about bad drivers. Or slow drivers. Or drivers who don't use their blinkers. Why am I in such a hurry? I always leave in plenty of time. Slow down, de Helen. Breathe. Using malicious words against others -- even if they can't hear me -- means I lack moral discipline. Therefore, I have to refrain from using malicious or harsh words. It helps if I can remember that we all want the same thing in this life: we want love, we want happiness. Taking a deep breath, putting a smile on my face, these things help me maintain my moral discipline. Help me become a better person.
By the way, it's time to check in re the walking and veggie commitment. I have kept my veggie commitment and have slacked off on the walking. I let migraines and rain and cold keep me confined to the indoors. I promise to get back to the walking. Even when it is rainy and cold, when I go out and walk I always feel better about myself. And I also have the alternative of going to the gym and walking in the saltwater pool, or even (shudder) on a treadmill. So I have zero excuse. How about YOU? How are you doing? How will you do this week? I am starting my gratitude list for US Thanksgiving Day this Thursday. You?

Poetry again

I've been writing a few poems this month, having signed up to receive a prompt a day, or at least to be aware that there is a prompt available to me once a day. Today I wrote two poems, and it felt good. For awhile there I felt as if I had forgotten how to write poetry (again). What that feels like for me is that I see or hear a prompt and I immediately take it literally and want to write something literal. Trying to think outside the box is not even possible. That feels so depressing that I then don't even want to write at all. So I instantly think of all the other things I need to do, and just don't write a poem.
Ever happen to you? Yeah, I thought so.
This is going to be short. I seriously do have to do something else. I'm meeting someone in 45 minutes, and I have to get ready to go. But I wanted to take the time to say that I am writing. I hope you are also writing. Oh! And I have been walking EVERY DAY (20 min or more now), and eating my veggies and fruit. I have to go to the store this evening and buy more groceries. I've also been practicing biofeedback on the migraines (successfully today). Taking care of my health, in other words. Please write me if you have advice, or want to check in on how you are keeping well, what you are writing, how you are maintaining your writing schedule, any of that. I do want to know.

Walking, eating veggies... wasn't I supposed to be writing???

Having the same problem I always have: balance. When I add in focusing on walking and getting enough veggies, I forget about getting enough pages. This should not be difficult. We're only talking about 10 minutes of walking a day at this point! Of course, I am also running errands, doing household chores and catching up from having been gone all last week, but still.
Must get better at folding in new stuff. Just like in a recipe.
How do YOU do it? Right now I feel exhausted, and it's 6:13pm. Please, just tell me how you manage to do it all.

Walking, thinking

Reporting in: So far, so good. I've kept my commitments. Walked 10 minutes yesterday, the last minutes before dark. And today, in the rain this morning. Ate more veggies yesterday than I did fruit! That's because my friend gave me tomatoes from her garden. Big ones. I'll have to make a bigger effort today. I might have to break down and eat (shudder) chard.
Spent some time thinking. Thinking about memory. For years I was the memory keeper in my family and in my circle. I remembered everything, both short and long-term. Phone numbers, names, faces, events, trivia, lines, poems, you name it. Everything I read, sang, every argument, conversation, every movie I saw, every house I ever lived in since I was still in my crib. (This is true, ask my 94 year old mother, who hasn't lost her memory yet.) However, once I started on beta blockers in my early 40s, I started having trouble with my short-term memory. I started having to make notes. Before that, I didn't keep a calendar. Didn't need an organizer at work. I kept everything in my head. So once I started forgetting and keeping notes, there was a transition period. I'd turn over my daily planner calendar and find a note that said "lunch." Great. Lunch with whom, I wonder? What time? Where? I had to learn to fill in details like that. Now things are even worse, but I'm used to it. For example, I'm currently re-reading a book that I read in 1998 because the author has written a sequel. I knew I'd read it before because I've read everything she's written, but I also knew I would have forgotten it. So, I'm reading it, nearly finished with it and I call my friend and tell her that I'm re-reading it in preparation for the sequel. She says she's already started the sequel without realizing it's a sequel. I start trying to tell her about the book I'm reading and realize I've already forgotten what I've read. It's like living in the present, and only in the present! As I read the book I think: Oh yes, I remember this. But I don't know what's going to happen next. Then after I've read it, I forget it again. Oy. So, really. Do I need to read this book? I'm going to have forgotten it by the time I pick up the sequel anyway.
I don't have dementia. I don't have Alzheimer's. So, don't worry about me. I don't leave burners on. I remember what refrigerators are for. And I don't get lost. I sometimes get in the car and have to go back into the house to get my glasses though. But I always leave in plenty of time for things that could go wrong, so no worries. Just know this is something you might have to look forward to, if you ever have to take beta blockers, or get forgetful in later years.

Starting a New Year in October: resolutions

I know. It's October 9, 2011. Not exactly New Year's Day in anyone's book, right? My friend Jenny just finished her Mussar Year. It was just Yom Kippur (I'm not Jewish), and it's not Chinese New Year, or any of those. But I've been reflecting a LOT lately. Wanting to begin a program of self-reflection or self-improvement or both. Trying to decide on which and what program. This morning I get an email from my healthcare provider: Kaiser Permanente. Thrive. Yeah, right. I'm always so skeptical about them. I do not feel I get that great of care from the Kaiser. But this morning they sent me info about weight loss and exercise, and I actually need something to help motivate me to get me back on my walking program. I want to make it a daily practice like brushing my teeth, not something I dread. I have to remember how much I actually LIKE walking.
Anyway, here is this missive. I click on the links, and lo and behold, I actually completed part of this program 3 years ago. So, I start over. Now I go further. There are multiple levels to this, like a video game, only this is actually helpful, as helpful as I want it to be. And now I have a blog. Someplace I can make a public commitment, and check in everyday. Someplace I can actually thrive. The program has digital support, consulting, logs, mp3s and so on. Today I looked at stress management and nutrition assistance. I actually do have good nutrition, I need to lose more weight, but my pounds have been going in the right direction over the past years. Walking will help me with this. The cholesterol levels will be helped as well.
Walking 5 days a week is my goal. No, it is my commitment. 5 days a week and eventually 30 minutes each time. This week I will begin with 10 minutes each day. I know I can do 10 minutes. If I do more, I'll say so. Also, I will commit to eating more veggies. I have no problem eating my fruit servings. I need to add more veggies.
Anyone want to join me? If you're a Kaiser member go to www.Kaiserpermanente.org and sign up for the Succeed program (free). If you aren't, just join me in a walk and eat more veggies. Make a commitment to do something healthy. State it publicly if you feel like it. I find I am more apt to keep my commitments when I say so in public. Or in writing. Both is like concrete to me. I'll be back tomorrow to let you know how I did today!